Oh look, another whole week has gone by and I’ve managed to post… um... once. I’ve got quite the stellar record lately. I totally blame employment. And trying to get ahead of said employment duties to be ready for BlogHer.
Speaking of BlogHer… I know there are many, many of you who will be going for the first time this year. It’s always a nerve-wracking experience that first conference trip; the anxiety, the questions… Will anyone talk to me? What should I wear? Will my site hits increase? I’ve been there, I know. So, to help all you newbies I have graciously prepared…
WG’s BlogHer 09 Guide to Incredible Popularity!
Following these simple steps will ensure that you are remembered at BlogHer 09 and on the road to celebrity bloggerhood. (Because I am SO popular!)
Step 1 – Bring business cards. This is crucial. Or tchotchkes. If you are unable to bring either, be prepared to pimp your drink tickets. Otherwise, no one will like you.
Step 2 – Do not hide behind plants. If you feel a bit of anxiety coming on, go for coffee. A coffee cup instantly legitimizes the need to hide and makes you look cool and worldly.
Step 3 – TMI does not exist at BlogHer. In fact, it’s practically frowned upon. Chat a lot, preferably about vaginas. Also, introduce yourself to everyone. Even people not attending the conference. They’ll only look at you like you’re mildly crazy and they’ll probably visit your blog anyway.
Step 4 – Seek out the popular bloggers. When you see a bunch of them hanging around, approach confidently. Wait for a lull in their conversation, then throw your head back, laugh loudly, and proclaim, “Oh, LADIES! Well, catch you later!” While retreating toss your business card at newbies standing around gawking at the popular kids. They’ll instantly think you’re popular, too.
Step 5 – Speak up at sessions. Always have a comment ready and clearly say your name/blog first. If you get flustered or pull a Palin you can always compensate by flashing your boobs. Being in clear view of the cameras is a nice touch.
Step 6 – Dance wildly at all parties. Preferably on tables. If that isn’t garnering you an adoring crowd, try flashing your boobs again. If you can manage to shoot business cards out of your cleavage that would be ideal.
Step 7 – Twitter the entire trip. This accomplishes two goals: first, it makes everyone who didn’t attend wildly jealous, and second it implies to other BlogHer attendees that you are in demand. Again, instant popularity.
In case of any social gaffes, it’s perfectly OK to ditch the conference in order to shop, then reappear later after everyone is drunk. Someone may still say something but remember those as notes for your future book deal.
It can all be yours, baby.