My dryer smells like poo. That’s right, you heard me. I opened it to put in a new load (snick) and got a big whiff of burnt shit. Not that I’m some pervy secret burnt nugget sniffer, I’ve never actually breathed deep of the essence of burning poop per se, but I have smelled things that are burning and I know what shit smells like and, trust me, the combination is distinctive.
This is kinda chappin’ my hide.
1) the universe is laughing its ass off by replacing poop filled pants with a poop smelling dryer; (just to fuck with me. Because the universe says it’s all fine but I know it’s still mad about that ham delivery incident when we were roommates in college. Hello, I didn’t know it would be a live pig! Get OVER it!) (By the way, the universe snores. And steals pop tarts.)
2) we need a new dryer (which I just hadn’t planned on purchasing for Christmas); or
3) the dryer has gained sentience and is eating my clothes (because feces = food intake), and it will probably soon start slouching around the house, being all sullen and mouthy, farting up the place, refusing to use enough deodorant, and using all my minutes texting its no good appliance friends.
So. Back to the important question… are the clothes going to smell like shit, too?
I mean, it’s OK right now because it’s not my clothes in there. It’s the kid’s clothes. And you know, toddlers, they all smell a little stinky eventually. It’s not like anyone is going to notice the fart-smelling one in a cloud of preschool kids. Anyway, that’s why they look so cute… to make up for the shitty smells. (I’ll refrain from making a good pain/motrin joke here.)
But I WILL have to do laundry soon.
Help! - wg
Update: My dryer no longer smells like poop! After taking some of the fine advice left here (thank you!) and running a few loads of hot water/bleach/cold water, etc. the smell has dissipated. I think my lovely commenters were right and there might have been some ancient nuggets stuck in the washer. My other theory, because our dryer vents to our basement - the unfinished basement that probably has animals passing through - is that a stray cat or possum took a massive dump near the venting and that's what I was smelling. I don't care either way because somehow the metaphorical match got burnt! Just in time for me to wash some jeans.
I know you all were dying to hear what happened. heh