Legends… and so close to home!
St. Porcelain's

When Bigfoot Exposes Himself

(I'm going to post the pictures of the materials they gave out right now since that's what people want to see.  However, I will add my commentary of the press conference to this shortly.)

Update: My post and more photos below!

One of the bigfoot watching them from a distance as they removed the carcass
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The tongue and teeth of Bigfoot
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The DNA results
Bigfoot DNA results_c

The kid and I managed to attend the Bigfoot corpse press conference today.  It turns out this press conference was not supposed to be open to the public (which I didn’t see anywhere on the website, but I did wonder).  I saw the lady at the sign-in counter giving a couple of college kids in front of me a hard time (Note: if you’re trying to act legitimate, high-fiving “Bigfoot, YEAH!” is ill-advised. Also, don’t offer your “writing for the school paper” story after the fact), so I thought fast. 

Me, pushing stroller with squirmy kid to sign-in counter:  “Yes, I’m blah blah blah.  I’m writing for some ON-line sites.”  (Yes, the snooty emphasis seemed to help.)

Lady: “Do you have a business card?”

Me, unconcerned: “Sorry, not on me.”

Lady: “Sign this form and who you’re writing for.”

And… I’m in!

Meanwhile, Chance kept asking, “Where’s Bigfoot?  What does Bigfoot like?  Is Bigfoot talking?” while I shushed him and plied him with fruit snacks.  (Yet, he wouldn’t take a photo with the guy there in a Chewbacca suit. Darn it!

I had to do more fast talking after the conference when it came to getting my grubby paws on the “evidential materials”.   They were giving out two photos (what’s posted here, which are, unfortunately, copies of copies) and the DNA test conclusions, but only to credentialed press members.  People were swamping the table and even though I held back some I got caught in the fray, holding a hot, heavy and increasingly impatient three-year-old.  (Yeah, I’m a professional.) 

Tom Biscardi, who was picking and choosing who to give materials to: “Tell me a good story, people!”

Me:  “Hi, I’m writing for blazingtalons.com, a site about science and the supernatural!”  (I’m hoping my good buddy doesn’t mind that I co-opted his site.  Plug!)

Tom looks like he might give me something but turns to someone else. Then turns to another someone else.  He certainly looked like he was having fun. 

Me: waiting



Me, in an aggrieved and slightly impatient tone:  “Hey, can you let me know whether I’m going to get copies or not?  I got called in for this last minute and I’m dying here with the kid!  Thanks so much!”  Score!

See?  The trick is to act like you don’t care and you’re just doing your job.  Those college boys got nothing.  

As for the meat (har har) of the conference, I gotta tell you… it was sketchy, folks, very very sketchy.  There were a lot of vague statements reiterating what’s already on their website.  The much touted DNA and photo “evidence” is what I’ve posted here.  Some of the statements made included, “the body is at a [undisclosed] safehouse awaiting autopsy,” and “top scientists are looking into this.”  No names given.  No definitive dates for when more evidence would be available.  Even the date that the body was discovered seems to have been forgotten by the intrepid Bigfoot hunters. 


The press was clearly skeptical, and towards the middle of the conference our expert hunters were getting a bit defensive and pissed off.  They seemed to not expect quite so many probing questions, especially the ones regarding inconsistencies in their background stories.  Or even (could it be true?) quite so much attention in general.  One of the gentleman (Matthew Whitton, I think) even made a statement about how they expected local interest but that they never expected as much global interest as they’ve gotten.

Hello?  It’s fucking Bigfoot!  On the most scientific basis, you’re talking a previously undiscovered primate.  And a gigantic primate at that.

And in response to the numerous times the press asked if they were sure the body was real (some just flat-out asked if it was a hoax), the response was, “Yeah! The body smells!”      

(How long does it take to “await” an autopsy, anyway?  Because that chick on Bones seems to just whip them out!)

So obviously, I’m not sold.  Deep down I kind of hope they DID find Bigfoot (because I love this shit!), but we’ll have to wait and see if anything else comes out of this.

Fun fact:
Number of Moms there with Toddler: 1  (Although I did see a couple of fan families show up later, i.e. Bigfoot-lovin’ mom, dad, and 2.5 teenaged kids.  Sign-in lady must have loosened up when it was obvious the room wasn’t full.)

And now a few more pictures. (Note to self: Need better camera!)         - wg

My almost-as-bad-as-a-Bigfoot-photo shot.


The Bigfoot guys, Matthew Whitton, Rick Dyer, and Tom Bascardi (left to right)


One smart marketing monkey (he was there representing Zimbio.com)

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The marketing monkey getting his own press conference.  Don't you think wearing the suit would be reward enough?!  (BTW, that's MY stroller glowing in the background.  Yessiree.)

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