What’s a little lying during the holidays?

I’ve got this whole thing with holiday cards… I really like them in theory.  I like getting them, I like knowing I’ve sent them out, but in general, actually doing the cards is a whole other matter. They are always a much bigger project than it seems in the beginning.  Everyone expects a little note and proper addressing. Actual stamps on every single envelope. Once you have kids you gotta add in pictures.  And the damn lists just keep growing!

Obviously, I’m still working on my cards.  (OK, yeah, I sort of leave those as the last item on my list but hey, as long as they’re postmarked before Christmas they count!)

I have found a little time saving tip, however. I’ve started writing (dare I say it?)… the family newsletter.  *gasp!  woe!* I know newsletters have the potential to be informative, cheesy, bragging, or sweet, and they can elicit a range of emotions from the people who receive them.  But most importantly… they save you from writing a heartfelt personal note in each and every card!  And hey, I love all the people on my holiday card list but by the week before Christmas I’m a little burnt.

Of course, just to write a regular family newsletter would be utterly boring.  So I present you with what I sent out last year…

 

Dear Friends,

We hope this holiday season finds you and your loved ones well. We’ve had an exciting year in the wg and Keen household! The highlight of the year was our family trip to visit the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, DC.

It was there, outside the aircraft museum, where remarkably we were recruited for a top secret government mission! Apparently, a group of ex-patriot Moonies had acquired a vast secret fortune (to fight the slanderous use of the term “moonie” in the press) and hidden it in France in the 70s. Unfortunately, all the poor Moonies died off before their civil suits went to trial and the American government wanted to obtain the fortune to help lower the deficit. We, being patriotic Americans (despite Bush) AND fiscally-minded, of course agreed and after an emergency condensed “family spy training course” (FSTC), off to France we went.

Once in France we quickly located the ultra-secret Moonie vault and let its whereabouts be known to the people in charge. Our beloved government immediately denied any knowledge of our existence. (Bastards!) Having spent all our own cash to reach and stay in France so as to not “blow our cover” we were suddenly without funds to get back home. Fortunately, we happened to meet a conclave of French Ninjas. At first we worried that the French Ninjas were assassins sent to “deal with us”, however, Chance, in what we thought was baby babbling but apparently has been speaking the obscure dialect of French Ninjaese this whole time, communicated with the French Ninjas flawlessly.

After hearing our heart-wrenching tale of governmental backstabbing the French Ninjas took us in and helped raise funds to send us back to the states. (The French don’t really want us there anyway.) During our stay Chance continued to charm them with his command of the language, and Keen further won them over with his culinary skills and helped pay our tickets home with one heck of a French Ninja bake sale.  I briefly entered their martial arts school and am now the proud master of the Flames of France Multi-Punch and the Flying Beret Death Kick.

We returned home and have spent the rest of the year compiling our spy memoirs in a soon to be made, straight-to-video, Movie-of-the-Week. The cats missed us terribly while we were gone.

Again, we hope you all are well and we look forward to hearing about your adventures. Our best to you all. Merry Christmas and many blessings to you in the New Year!

Love always,
wg, Keen, and Chance

 

This year we’re going on safari! 

- the weirdgirl