Besides being unexpectedly busy in the work arena – which of course means less reading, less writing, and less other things I love (as compared to “rely on” (stupid paycheck)) – there is another reason why I’ve been distracted lately. Keen and I have decided to start trying for kid number two.
[sound of trumpets]
Yes, I’m totally breaking mommy blog form and I’m gonna admit to the process up front. (And I probably won’t show a picture of the positive test if and when I do turn up preggo, because, ew, I just peed on that.) I have a hard enough time keeping my mouth shut about life in general, I certainly can’t keep it closed* until the end of the first trimester, much less the whole “trying” portion. No worries, I won’t be giving you a play by play or anything (this is a family blog) but I just know the crap, subject-wise, is gonna come up.
“Trying” also always feels to me like getting a big envelope from Publishers Clearing House reading, “You May Already Be Pregnant!” I’ve been putting off the whole second baby thing because, frankly, pregnancy sucks. I just don’t like it. I passionately don’t like it. First we sort of planned “summer time”, then that moved to “fall” and then “later fall”. I’ve been feeling really creatively productive lately and, as selfish as this might sound, I just didn’t want to give that up for vomiting and feeling slightly disabled. (My brain gets very muddled when I’m knocked up.) However, I AM 36, with odd hormones, so I knew it was only a matter of time.
Not to get all romantic, but I always sort of pictured my equipment down there with the eggs as ticking time bombs, and the passing years as Jack Bauer torturing my uterus for information. (Of course, Jack and my uterus dated at one time before the tragically mistaken torturing. I don’t know how that man keeps hooking up.) Except it was sort of like the last season of 24 and not the first, i.e. I was too busy folding laundry and reading blogs to pay attention all that closely. So, even though I knew I should be getting busy, I still put baby #2 off.
Then – while I’m taking drum lessons, and writing, and crafting, and living my creative life – a funny thing happened… I didn’t have a sudden overwhelming biological urge to have a child. I wasn’t contemplating Chance having a sibling. I didn’t see all the pregnant women around me and suddenly miss the feel of a baby. (Because remember, no matter how much I love my kid, pregnancy still sucks.) No. I had a dream I was pregnant. One of those absolutely certain, wake-up-thinking-it’s-real dreams that I was pregnant right now. And when I awoke and realized I wasn’t pregnant I didn’t feel disappointment or even relief. I just felt resigned. And still very certain. That’s why I took it as a sign that it was time to get off my butt (or on, depending) and start trying.
What? Not everyone has pregnancy premonitions?**
Wish us luck! - the weirdgirl
*Except I’m not telling the in-laws nothing, ‘cause they’ll just nag me to death.
**You know what’s really weird? My mom and another mom from my playgroup also had dreams I was pregnant, all within two weeks. And, as unbelievable as it sounds, I hadn’t even been talking about it!