When Bigfoot Exposes Himself

(I'm going to post the pictures of the materials they gave out right now since that's what people want to see.  However, I will add my commentary of the press conference to this shortly.)

Update: My post and more photos below!

One of the bigfoot watching them from a distance as they removed the carcass

The tongue and teeth of Bigfoot

The DNA results

The kid and I managed to attend the Bigfoot corpse press conference today.  It turns out this press conference was not supposed to be open to the public (which I didn’t see anywhere on the website, but I did wonder).  I saw the lady at the sign-in counter giving a couple of college kids in front of me a hard time (Note: if you’re trying to act legitimate, high-fiving “Bigfoot, YEAH!” is ill-advised. Also, don’t offer your “writing for the school paper” story after the fact), so I thought fast. 

Me, pushing stroller with squirmy kid to sign-in counter:  “Yes, I’m blah blah blah.  I’m writing for some ON-line sites.”  (Yes, the snooty emphasis seemed to help.)

Lady: “Do you have a business card?”

Me, unconcerned: “Sorry, not on me.”

Lady: “Sign this form and who you’re writing for.”

And… I’m in!

Meanwhile, Chance kept asking, “Where’s Bigfoot?  What does Bigfoot like?  Is Bigfoot talking?” while I shushed him and plied him with fruit snacks.  (Yet, he wouldn’t take a photo with the guy there in a Chewbacca suit. Darn it!

I had to do more fast talking after the conference when it came to getting my grubby paws on the “evidential materials”.   They were giving out two photos (what’s posted here, which are, unfortunately, copies of copies) and the DNA test conclusions, but only to credentialed press members.  People were swamping the table and even though I held back some I got caught in the fray, holding a hot, heavy and increasingly impatient three-year-old.  (Yeah, I’m a professional.) 

Tom Biscardi, who was picking and choosing who to give materials to: “Tell me a good story, people!”

Me:  “Hi, I’m writing for blazingtalons.com, a site about science and the supernatural!”  (I’m hoping my good buddy doesn’t mind that I co-opted his site.  Plug!)

Tom looks like he might give me something but turns to someone else. Then turns to another someone else.  He certainly looked like he was having fun. 

Me: waiting

waiting

waiting

Me, in an aggrieved and slightly impatient tone:  “Hey, can you let me know whether I’m going to get copies or not?  I got called in for this last minute and I’m dying here with the kid!  Thanks so much!”  Score!

See?  The trick is to act like you don’t care and you’re just doing your job.  Those college boys got nothing.  

As for the meat (har har) of the conference, I gotta tell you… it was sketchy, folks, very very sketchy.  There were a lot of vague statements reiterating what’s already on their website.  The much touted DNA and photo “evidence” is what I’ve posted here.  Some of the statements made included, “the body is at a [undisclosed] safehouse awaiting autopsy,” and “top scientists are looking into this.”  No names given.  No definitive dates for when more evidence would be available.  Even the date that the body was discovered seems to have been forgotten by the intrepid Bigfoot hunters. 

Hmmm.

The press was clearly skeptical, and towards the middle of the conference our expert hunters were getting a bit defensive and pissed off.  They seemed to not expect quite so many probing questions, especially the ones regarding inconsistencies in their background stories.  Or even (could it be true?) quite so much attention in general.  One of the gentleman (Matthew Whitton, I think) even made a statement about how they expected local interest but that they never expected as much global interest as they’ve gotten.

Hello?  It’s fucking Bigfoot!  On the most scientific basis, you’re talking a previously undiscovered primate.  And a gigantic primate at that.

And in response to the numerous times the press asked if they were sure the body was real (some just flat-out asked if it was a hoax), the response was, “Yeah! The body smells!”      

(How long does it take to “await” an autopsy, anyway?  Because that chick on Bones seems to just whip them out!)

So obviously, I’m not sold.  Deep down I kind of hope they DID find Bigfoot (because I love this shit!), but we’ll have to wait and see if anything else comes out of this.

Fun fact:
Number of Moms there with Toddler: 1  (Although I did see a couple of fan families show up later, i.e. Bigfoot-lovin’ mom, dad, and 2.5 teenaged kids.  Sign-in lady must have loosened up when it was obvious the room wasn’t full.)

And now a few more pictures. (Note to self: Need better camera!)         - wg

My almost-as-bad-as-a-Bigfoot-photo shot.

The Bigfoot guys, Matthew Whitton, Rick Dyer, and Tom Bascardi (left to right)

One smart marketing monkey (he was there representing Zimbio.com)

The marketing monkey getting his own press conference.  Don't you think wearing the suit would be reward enough?!  (BTW, that's MY stroller glowing in the background.  Yessiree.)

Comments

[Evyl]

It looks like that they found my Uncle Bob. Hell yeah, he owes me ten bucks.

[motherbumper]

They were SURPRISED that it garnered more than local attention? wtf? Do you know I read books in french on Big Foot when I was a kid - that's how desperate I was for information... seriously, they didn't think folks would be interested? Something stinks here and I don't think it's the newly documented primate.

[Chag]

Dude, you are my new idol! Great post!

[manager mom]

Hm. this post might make me love you 4 evah.

[Matthew]

I love that you're teaching your kids to lie and deceit to get what you want.

AWESOME!

(And totally jealous you got to be there to see obscure, vague, kinda proof of Big Foot)

[foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)]

This post is flippin' awesome! Seriously! And I second motherbumper's WTH. It's f'n Bigfoot!! I'm pretty sure they could CSI that beast the day they hauled that super fake bag o' fur in. Somebody always knows somebody else, and you know those two Bigfoot hunters were burning up their cell phones, calling their friends, telling them what they were hauling in the bed of truck. Sure as hell one of those friends knows someone who knows someone who could do a slice on that thing.

Sadly, however, this does nothing to alleviate my fears of a Sasquatch. It was pretty damn brave of me to come here at 1:20 a.m. (while sitting by my OPEN WINDOWS!!)!

Stay on the story, Scoop!

[Lori at Spinning Yellow]

I opened my Yahoo news this morning and saw "Bigfoot fails DNA test". You are so on top of things! Quick thinking on getting past security, too. Am impressed.

[B.E. Earl]

Nothing short of brilliant. How you got in, what you saw, what you wrote.

Awesome!

[Disturbed Stranger]

Amazing... very bold of you!
I used to love bigfoot as a kid ;)

[the weirdgirl]

Evyl - I think you should track down the Bigfoot hunters and make 'em pay up!

motherbumper - Yeah, and who only takes TWO pictures of a "breakthrough" find? Come on!

Chag - You know, just like you, I would totally be a monster hunter if I could. That would be sweet! (But no ghost hunting. I've run into ghosts before. You don't go looking for ghosts.)

manager mom - Awww! Who knew scamming would bring so much love?

Matthew - Yes, but don't worry I'm teaching discriminating judgement too. Only lies and deceit for SPECIAL circumstances! Like Bigfoot. And maybe the Chupacabra.

FADKOG - Don't be afraid of Bigfoot! I figure he's just the most reclusive and shy of the primates. Think J.D. Salinger with fur.

Lori - Thanks! For my next story me and the kid are flying to Scotland. (I'm going to use him as Nessie bait.)

B.E. Earl - Why thank you! It all came together in a happy accident.

Disturbed Stranger - Bigfoot is a kid's dream! Personally, I think anybody who says they didn't like Bigfoot is just deep in denial.

[KC]

You are so incredibly awesome! I can't believe you did this, and with a toddler in tow.

I love that the stroller glows. :-)

[Miguelina]

You? Are my hero. :)

[Paul Karlsgodt]

Great story, Weirdgirl! I'm still holding out hope. The first picture looks more like an Ewok than a Sasquatch, but maybe it's just because of the obscured view. Such bad luck that there's always something obscuring the view.

[patty]

I think you might be my hero.

[amy z]

I freakin love bigfoot too! I hope he is real and I hope one of them lives in the woods behind my house!