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Lisa

Very, very well expressed. And, I agree, there needs to be a more general segment of the population besides just "moms". We continue to have enough segregation in this nation whether based on race, sex, income, sexual preference, religion, political background, etc. One more isolated group will either be lost in the shuffle, or not taken seriously.

Mom101

Whoo! SO well-considered and thoughtful. As someone with a sahd in da house, even a temporary one, I should have thought of this sooner. Thanks for the eye-opener.

Godmother

Right on Weirdgirl! You are so right!

mothergoosemouse

Wow. That was excellent.

I've worked as a substitute caregiver in my daughters' day care, and it prompted me to write a post about the do's and don'ts of working with your caregiver. So many working mothers strive for the ideals you mentioned and then turn around and treat their caregivers with disrespect.

Kristen

Fantastic post.

I think the change mothers desire should be broadened to include all caregivers.

I do, however, feel that with mother's rights, there's also a notion of women's rights -- we can't say that in terms of all caregivers.

Her Bad Mother

Bravo, bravo, bravo. I think that so long as we keep in mind that there are *some* caregiving issues that are unique to women (tho' this would also be true for men) we really are better situated to make difference than if we remain entirely focussed on MOMS.

the weirdgirl

I absolutely agree that there are certain rights issues that are unique to women and those fights should continue. However, when men try to step out of traditional roles into caregiver roles they end up facing the same challenges that we do (and sometimes are taken even seriously than we are).

I'm also concerned about the strange levels of value we place on different types of caregivers. Such as (like mothergoosemouse points out), nannies and day care workers seem to be at the bottom, dads rank below moms, a non-parent (such as a foster or step-parent) ranks below a biological parent, etc. If we want to improve conditions for everyone in these arenas I don't think we can keep splintering care into levels of value, considering that we're already fighting to have caregiving valued in itself. I mean, of course a preschool teacher won't be bonded to a child like a parent would, but they're still providing care to our children for significant amounts of time. Why do we dismiss their contributions?

Kristen

I think it is a women's issue and not a caregiver issue when SAHDs and male caregivers are given more respect then moms and females. That lends itself less to the overall notion of caregivers and more to plain old sexism.

I do agree with you that there is an overall lack of respect for the role and responsibilities of caregivers.

the weirdgirl

Hey Kristen,

That's an interesting point. I've seen some males in caregiver roles, such as male nurses and SAHD, getting very little respect and they become very isolated (because they don't have the same communities of support that we do).

BUT at the same time, I do agree that SAHDs and male caregivers seem sought after by the media more than we women are - such as advertisers, news articles, and overall business opportunities. Yet, it seems guys get slapped hard when they try to leave the workplace for family.

I'd love to hear some male perspectives. Any guys out there who want to share your experiences?

the weirdgirl

Well, it seems like the men are MIA. Why is it when I'm talking about boobs they all comment? Theories anyone?

Chag

Ok. I'll raised my hand.

SAHDs do NOT get more respect than SAHMs.

SAHDs get very little respect among other men. Even though it's 2007, most men feel a man's job is to "bring home the bacon" and "provide" and all that crap. Because of this, and I really hate that I do this, I'll often tell men I just meet that including being a SAHD, I also do "programming work on the side." Why do I feel the need to justify that I do something else? I've become so jaded by the blank stares that I just instinctively append my job description with that line.

Women, especially those who are SAHMs, strongly respect SAHDs, though. At least that's what I've always found.

But I gotta strongly disagree about "SAHDs and male caregivers seem sought after by the media more than we women are." Sure, US Weekly might run a story about someone's manny and they might run an article on how much Tom Brady loves fatherhood, but that's about it. And advertisers? Never seen anything with a "Father Tested, Father Approved" tagline or anything of the sort. Show me a parenting magazine that's geared towards BOTH parents, let alone dads. Show me a commercial or television show that paints a SAHD in a favorable light. Most of the time, we're painted as bumbling, clueless, oafs.

Respect? Yeah, I'll take some.

(Sorry I rambled on so much)

Kristen

Yeah. But I'm still waiting for my articles and mentions in the WSJ, Chag.

I will say that I agree with you -- I imagine you get a mouthful from WOHDs, although SAHDs seem to get more media attention in terms of being an anomale.

I suppose that's not all positive attention.

And seriously, if you want to try out my breast pump and give it a dad's stamp of approval, I'm all for it.

But only if I can watch.

Heh. :)

Momish

I am in awe of how well you have written about this important and passionate issue. I totally agree with you on every aspect. I use to work in the mental health field as a rehabilitation councelor. I was so grossly underpaid, I eventually had to leave the profession in order to survive on my own.

I would love to see all caregivers better paid and appreciated more. It would open the door to better care for those in need. Children, elderly, sick, etc.

Great post and a topic in definite need of more research and attention.

the weirdgirl

Chag, thank you for sharing with us! (And you didn't ramble at all.)

Momish, it's good to hear from you. I think there are many professions, like people who work in social services and medical/psychiatric fields, that a lot of people forget... simple because what they do is too "uncomfortable". Thanks for speaking up!

LawyerMama

Fantastic post. I wrote something about the treatment of caregivers in a guest post at Pundit Mom's yesterday, but you bring up an excellent point that I missed - the hierarchy of care giving. Personally, I admire anyone who works with children all day. I couldn't do it and it's such an important job. Our sitter is a part of our family. The boys love her and she loves them. Can you say that about any other "service provider" in your life? Hell no. So let's give them respect.

As for the mom versus dad thing, I see an interesting dichotomy. When my hubs has the boys out by himself, shopping or whatever, he invariably has women coming up to him, asking about the boys, and generally telling him what an outstanding dad he is for "giving mom a break." Have any of the women here had anyone come up to you and say something similar? Yeah, I didn't think so.

But SAHD's don't get respect, I agree. There's still this view in society that a woman is the caretaker and a man is a wage earner. Only when more men stay at home or work at home, or whatever, will society begin to change its view. And it's a slow process.

AdventureDad

I totally agree with you on these issues. Personally, i think it would be a good start to make it a priority. Priorities right now are war, war, war, and then perhaps something else.

It would be a nice change to value women higher, I feel they are second class citizens in US. Luckily, wrong word I know, most people have no idea just how bad it is and how low priority mothers really are.

Spend a week or a month in Sweden or perhaps get a job and you would see how a gender equal society should work. One that does value women's hard work and makes it possible for them to work, have babies, and a family.

It's no perfect over here but women have sure come a long long way.

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