‘Cause We All Need A Little Guidance Now and Again (or maybe that’s just me)

Following the fine example of so many bloggers’ inspired and unique gift guides, I thought I’d follow up with a guide on my own. Except, you know, without the unique gifts. I’m a mall rat, after all. But not at this time of year, ‘cause that’s just crazy; too many damn crowds. So I guess I’m a catalog and online rat.  Or whatever. For the holidays, I mean, not the rest of the year. ANYWAY, I present to you…

The Weirdgirl’s 2006 Gift Wrapping Guide! (ooh… ah…)

First, The Wrong Way

Pull out all the wrapping paper, including the wrinkled stuff you saved from last year because “you might use it”
Get scissors and cool tape dispenser thingy that spits out precut tape pieces
Grab first gift
Realize you can’t wrap on the floor because your child is destroying tissue paper (also crumpled, also from last year in case “you might use it”)
(Make mental note to clear table first next year)
Awkwardly wrap paper roll around gift before cutting while holding beyond child’s reach
Odd shaped side prevents accurate measurement
Cut paper anyway
Accidentally crumple paper trying to bend around odd side
Realize you really need a box for it
Realize you are out of boxes
Abandon
Grab second (square) gift
Cut paper to size
Fiddle with tape dispenser thingy
Wrestle with tape dispenser
Pull out tape jam
Drop piece of tape in the middle of wrapping paper
Try to pull off tape, tear paper
Casually blend piece of tape into paper, camouflaging it from view (except for that small bump, which is really too small to notice)
Start over, finally get gift wrapped
Look for bows or ribbon
Trudge out to the garage (in the rain) to get bows/ribbons
Most are crumpled
Slap stick-on, not too crumpled bow on gift
Cats discover bag of ribbons, go nuts
While yelling at cats, notice several pieces of tape in child’s hair
Spend remaining time removing tape from hair

The Right Way

Go to CostCo
Buy lovely nested gift boxes in holiday themes
Buy spools of fabric ribbon sold right next to gift boxes
Put child to bed before attempting to wrap gifts
Wrap all gifts by tossing into appropriately sized gift box
Tie ribbon around box (no need for tape!)
Arrange all under the tree
Admire the plethora of beautifully wrapped presents
Take undue well-deserved credit 

Oh, wait… labels…

Shit!

Comments

[Chag]

Spits out precut tape pieces? Are you living in the future? Or am I just stuck in the 1800s with my primitive tape dispenser?

I hate wrapping gifts. But my wife goes all Martha Stewart when it comes to wrapping presents.

[Jade]

LOL! You are SO going to get a recycled gift bag this year. Merry (last) Christmas!

[ktjrdn]

Labels? What are these things called labels? I never remembered them and ended up wrinting in the gifts with a Sharpie, so I just gave in and do it that way on on purpose now. Refined and elegant, no?

[The Phoenix]

There's a mall here that wraps presents bought from their stores. A couple of years ago, you could smuggle your presents purchased elsewhere and get them wrapped.

Now they verify that they were purchased at their mall before wrapping.

Bah-Humbug!

[KC]

I do not have the patience to go all Martha Stewart when it comes to wrapping gifts. My mother, however, does it up wonderfully well. Her gifts are so pretty that it seems wrong to unwrap them.

I pay my son to wrap. He's not very good at it, but at least it gets done.

[the weirdgirl]

That tape dispenser thingy isn't very futuristic. It's the plastic thing you can wear on your wrist. I've got about three of them and... well, they work great when you first buy them but as soon as you need to refill the tape they get difficult. (At least mine do.)

I'm always tempted to have things gift-wrapped since I buy so much online but GEEZ does that get expensive! Plus, being completely paranoid I always think the package is full of cans of spam instead of the nice shirt I bought.

[Wendy]

Oh I sooooooo wish I had read this before Christmas - man, I am the worst wrapper on a good day - I would be all over the gift boxes - Some of my wrapped presents wouldn't pass a bomb sniffing dog - just horrible! Happy Holidays WG!