OK, I had to take a moment and share the horror. I was shopping for swimwear and came across these monstrosities. As if swimsuit shopping isn’t hard enough! And I was just looking for a new pair of board shorts, damnit! (Which have been hard to find, so I must assume they are not en vogue anymore; because, of course, why should something so practical last forever? But I’m not bitter.)
Um, that spiral is in exactly the WRONG place.
Because nothing shows off your stretch marks like brass rings!
Excuse me, I’m off to swim now… in my vagina suit!
And finally, the ever present Juicy. I’m not saying I haven’t seen a few cute things in their collection but I’ve never understood the writing-across-the-butt thing. Especially wearing the word “juicy”. (Especially paying the price demanded to wear the word “juicy” across your ass.)
I mean you might as well just go to the beach in this:
Please note that all of the above hideousness is considered “designer” swimwear. Thus proof that the line between trailer trash and high fashion is about as thin as Brittany Spears’ thong.