Things parents should be able to include on their resumes

Special Skills:

Highly adept at wrestling others into submission (children… co-workers… what’s the difference, really?)

Ability to sniff out poop at fifty paces (extra valuable against the office practical joker who always takes it too far)

Skilled at cleaning up other peoples’ messes

Immune to unpleasant odors or tense office meetings (or sometimes both) 

Extensive experience saying “no” consistently and in a firm voice until all foolishness stops (again, children, warring co-workers, what’s the difference?)

Ability to spoon-feed as necessary

Management-level conflict resolution training (i.e. tantrums)

Proficient in accurately categorizing employees (children or pets) for maximum efficiency; applicable knowledge of who to promote (pets)

Knowledge of the value of “incentives” (i.e. toys)

Other skills include mentoring expertise, multi-tasker, take charge attitude

Compensation Requirements: office with locking door; unsupervised potty breaks; unlimited caffeinated beverages (none of which are prepared by me)

References are attached.  Thank you for your consideration.  Sincerely, the weirdgirl

Comments

[ktjrdn]

Toys are incentives? Boys and girls are so different. In my house, we bribe with book reading (and sometimes candy). She's got enough toys that she doesn't care anymore, but story time will quiet her down instantly.

[Kristen]

You'd make a great nanny.

LMAO.

:)

[Blackbeltmama]

The items you listed there are the reason why I refuse to say I'm simply a SAHM. I'm a domestic engineer. I think you should add something about mulit-tasking though and dexterity. ;-)

[The Phoenix]

You're hired!!!!!

[KC]

That's quite a resume! You're hired!

[Chag]

So I can put all that on my resume when I eventually return to the workforce? Cool! I'll be a CEO!

[Mary P]

I once worked in a group home for "developmentally and behaviourally challenged adults". What this meant was that I was dealing with toddlers in adult bodies. (A scary concept, if you think about a 235-pound, very angry 2-year-old.) I was VERY good at my job. Too bad it paid squat.

But really? In my next job, I want to work with people who pick up after themselves, take themselves to the toilet (and DON'T tell me about it afterwards), and who don't trash my home ten times a day.

[Jade]

You might have the skill to clean up other people's messes, but I wouldn't advertise it. Even if it needs to be SLOW training, I would hope that could be a skill to teach others to do for themselves. I hate the offices where a few do-gooders become the office slaves.

[Jade]

And remember the phrase about parenting being the most important job. All experience showing the lessons learned (including those quick responses to problems) should be used to show your management growth.

Go mama!

[Mom101]

Amen! And don't forget multitasking ability: able to take conference calls from home and say "uh-huh, yeah" at appropriate moments, all while reading blogs and feeding the baby a bottle.

[Fuzz]

Nice list. Just don't write the resume on baby wipes and you should be in like Flynn.

[Metal Mark]

When I am not at work then my wife is. So I have gotten better at taking care of 2 year old Metalgirl and 3 month old Metalboy at the same time. They do run me ragged at times though, but that's the way it goes.

[Alex Fetcher]

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