the weirdgirl

she be a fair wench

I go to the dentist every six months like a good girl.  I brush my teeth with actual toothpaste.  Not so good on the flossing but whatev.  I do not gargle with caramel... although caramel-flavored toothpaste would ROCK!  I might bathe in caramel if it was possible.  You know, like if it was moisturizing.

I have a tooth that has turned black.  A lot of black.  I just discovered it, trying to floss (floss!) a piece of apple (healthy snack!) out of my teeth, a little hidden treasure of blackened beauty.  Not glinting majestically like the cursed gold of a pirate horde.  Not pearly white like a fair maiden's doubtfully pure necklace.

Can you guess I'm kind of freaked out?

There is no pain.  I was just at the dentist not so long ago.  That side has been sensitive to cold but they took x-rays and found nothing.

I'm feeling very Medieval right now.  But not in a hot "look what this corset does to my bosoms!" kind of way.  (Or is that Renaissance?  When were bosoms invented?)  More like I have scurvy.  Or I should start sucking at my toothless gums while I cackle dire predictions at young folks.

Of course, I had to show it to Keen.

Keen:  "Eww."
Me:  "Thanks.  So... could this be why I'm so tired?  I've had an infection all summer and didn't know it?"
Keen, man of root canals:  "Um... if you had an infection, trust me, you would have felt it."
Me:  "Even if my root has rotted out or something?" 
Keen:  "They can tell that from the x-rays."
Me:  "Oh."  Obviously my tooth knowledge is vast.

Avast matey!

So I'm going to the dentist today to check it out.  I'd say wish me luck but I'm pretty sure that little gem is lost.

Me:  "Give me a kiss, hon."
Keen:  "Um, no."

your title here

So I've never done this but this year I decided to participate in national novel writing month! I've always considered it a really good exercise but never seriously thought about doing it because I was always juggling too many things.  But this year my schedule is free and clear!  Except... I haven't officially signed up or done any actual writing.  whoops!  But I figure we're only a week in so I can crank out that novel in three weeks, right?  (I'm shooting for a short novel.  Maybe novella-esque.)  I have gone to a composting class and I've started to paint my office.

Ya gotta have the right environment, see? 

(And that apparently includes... um, compost.)
 
Oh yeah, and Saturday was our 11th wedding anniversary!  So... I went to a composting class and Keen went to a hockey game.  That sounds horrible but we did have a nice weekend just chillin at home.  Plus, we've kind of gotten to that point in our relationship where we're saving it up for the BIG anniversaries. Ya know?  For example, in February will be our 20th first date anniversary.  I know, right?!  We're fricking old!

I can never remember those anniversary year theme things, but I'm pretty sure 20 years is the Shoe Anniversary.  Honey, there are some really nice boots out right now.  Especially, nice gothy lace-ups or something with some hardware on it.  hint

OK, let's see... novel writing, compost, anniversary... wow, I really thought I had a point in there somewhere. Apologies.

          - wg

Slow and silent but for the clickety clack

We had a really nice Halloween, with people over, lots (and LOTS) of trick or treaters (there went my extra chocolate stash - I blame it on the balmy weather and Halloween being on a Saturday this year), and a general feeling of an unnecessary holiday well-played.  I hope yours was just as enjoyable.  However, we ended it all with a case of the sniffles, so Chance and I are sitting here, each on a laptop in our nerdy little household, he working his way through every single activity on PBSkids, NickJr, and Preschool Disney combined, and me with entirely too much time to look up lemon cookie recipes and cryptozoology.

Did you know that you don't need an actual degree to be a cryptozoologist?  I thought it was a specialized field at a few select universities. Some interdisciplinary study of paleontology, zoology, and ancient myths or something, but no.  ANYONE can say they're a cryptozoologist.  This is total legitimization for my monster hunting crew.   

And have I mentioned that I'm unemployed now?  I'm just saying.

As well as Chance and I being a little under the weather, my car is in the shop, and my damn computer is acting really, really slow.  So we are trapped here, see?  Trapped!  (Which is probably what you're thinking as your finger hovers over the back button.)  Hey look, pictures!

My son, Luke Skywalker, fending off attack by butterfly.

The ghost of a prairie woman that decided to inhabit our "graveyard" shortly after we put it up.  It must have reminded her of the good old days.  This particular ghost looks an awful lot like my mother.  I told you I'd call soon, Mom!

Another awesome cake.  Which I'm still munching through.  Um... anyone want to come get some cake?

And as a (mad)cap to the whole hectic weekend we got a commendation by our city for our house's Halloween decorations.  It was quite ceremoniously presented by being dropped off on our stoop (eyewitnesses report a black van racing off), and signed by our district's city councilman. 

Keen, Chance and I were all quite pleased by the honor.  Although I have no idea what to do with it now.  Frame it?  File it?  It would probably look quite nice in an album with this year's costume pictures... but we all know I'm scrapbook-challenged. 

Oh well.  I'll stick with my core competencies.  Off to make cookies!

             - the weirdgirl and her scary, snotty family

Yet another way I've corrupted my husband. Bwa ha ha!

I just wanted to laugh like that.  In fact, I think I will be laughing like that all week. Gotta get my cackle on.

So, as usual we've gone a little overboard with the whole Halloween decorating thing.  But it is so much fun!!  We went with a mad scientist theme in the sunroom this year. 

We'll be adding in lots of candles and bubbling liquids in those beakers come Saturday night.

So that was ONE side of the yard.  Then Keen whipped up these ghosties and trees for the other side.  (It's hard to see but he made one green lit, one orange, and one purple ghost each.)

He also has an elaborate lighting and fog machine setup ready to go for Halloween night.  Keen is quite good with the lights.  This all is evidence of my awesome corrupting power!  See, he used to be ALL ABOUT Christmas.  And really, Christmas around this joint is pretty disgusting, too.  It's all candy canes and light up cute.  But the fact that Keen has so obviously embraced the Halloween vibe is entirely due to my evil influence.  He MADE those ghosts!  Hands-on!  (Usually, if something needs to be built that's my arena.)  And he even bought a gruesome accessory or two.

Not cute, not cute at all.

Sniff.  I'm so proud!

             - the weirdgirl

big changes and a dose of slutty demeanor

You know what I love?  Going to the doctor for, say... oh anything, and getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

What are your symptoms?  Oh, you say you're tired?  OK, Trampy McTramp, here's your bloodwork slip and try not to touch anything on the way out. 

So a big life change that has just happened is... (drum roll)... I've left my job.  I really liked the people I worked with and I hope to work with them again in the future.  But the job was fairly demanding and I felt like I was being pulled in way too many directions and doing none of them well.  The stress/time management issues were outweighing the moolah, especially considering after such a big chunk went to self-employment taxes. 

Not only have I left my job but we made the decision that I would take some time off for a while, too. Time to concentrate on family and other things, writing being one of them. 

This is kind of huge for me because I've never not worked.  (Well, except for when I was pregnant and was so ill I actually had to quit a job that I had just gotten.  That still bugs me.)  I've worked part-time for the last few years, but even then it was always work part-time AND go to school, work at night AND raise a kid.  Before I had Chance I was working start-up hours and at times, held two jobs.

I admit to floundering around a bit those first few days after the work stopped. Didn't know what to do with myself.

(And who am I kidding? I'll probably still end up taking side projects. Type A is an addiction.)

Anyway, I figured maybe I would start to feel a little less tired what with my new lifestyle of bon-bons and leisurely pursuits.  Right?  Nope, still totally tired.  I had my visit with the rheumatologist this week, checking on arthritis and general decrepitude.  There could be some type of arthritis starting, it could be fibromyalgia... oh, and it could also be hepa-fricking-titus b, you dirty little girl. 

OK. Without revealing too many intimate details, my sex life has been WAY less interesting than warrants the number of STD tests I've been given.

Stubbed your toe?  Let's give you a gonorrhea test.  Sore throat.  Let's HIV that sucker. 

The only explanation I can think of is that elves must have tattooed "slutty" across my forehead as I slept.

And I know the doctors are trying to be nice but it doesn't make things any easier when they (always!) try to gently explain, "You know sometimes things happen with just that ONE night..."

Yeah, haven't had any one-nighters.

SHOCKER!

                 - the weird "no risk factors" girl

P.S. No offense to any Hep-B positive people out there.  I know it's not always about sex or needles.

The candles are all lit

The first big storm of the season just blew in and it's raging out there.  I already had to get drippy because my dear husband (are you reading this, Keen?) didn't take any of the outside furniture cushions into the garage.  Dude.  Anyway, I'm typing quickly before the power goes out.  Our last house was cool because we shared a grid with a hospital or politicians' offices or something else important so we rarely ever lost power.  Even rolling blackouts didn't touch us.  Here... one small mile over... not so much.

Lately, I have felt the world conspiring against me every time I go to blog.  First it was lots of work.  Last week our modem died.  Then my account got suspended for an expired credit card (whoops!  Really. My credit is good).  After a while it knocks you off your blogging groove.  Actually, I've kind of felt like the last year has knocked me off my blog groove (or bloove, as I like to call it).  I'm working on getting back my funny/interesting.  Or one can hope.

In the meantime you get blurbs of meaninglessness.  Yay!  Existential examples in an easily digestible format!  With alliteration.

I'm going to go ahead and push publish now before I lose this gem.

---

OK, I'm back!  So what else have we done lately?  Oh, we went to see the Star Wars Concert.  You know, that's where they have the full orchestra playing all the music?  And they also show movie clips on a big screen and have a laser light show with it.  AND they had C-3PO hosting.  It was totally cultural and nerdy at the same time.  AWESOME!  I mean, how often do you get to go to a classical concert dressed up as a storm trooper?  (Not that that was me.)  But I would fully recommend this concert.  We took Chance to it and even though there was a little anxiety with the noise at first (those SPD issues), he adapted really well. Especially after the first few movie clip explosions and lightsaber fights.  That's like 4-year-old heaven.

We also have started decking the house out in Halloween decor.  I'm dressing the sunroom up as a mad scientists' lab this year.  Suddenly, I'm feeling in the mood for zombies, and monsters, and vampires, oh my.

---

Am I the only one who has noticed that PBS keeps using that Vampire Weekend song in between their kids' shows?

I think I'll just keep adding to this post periodically. It's one of those days.

eh eh eh eh!

Technical difficulties cont.

Ok, can't say I'm pleased with this iPhone app. I have lost all network connection. Can't figure out the problem yet and, really? Didnot feel like playing IT maven today. I'd really like technology tojust fucking work, thank you. How lame is it that I am sitting on my bathroom floor typing onmy phone? I am not a good texter.

Though, don't get me wrong, phone, I have realized that you are my one true love. I can't believe I wasted all those years with a human guy when I could have had you.

No offense Keen honey.

What? I can manage two guys.

Also, I have been trying to send out an Evite since Monday . Fucking system crashes every time I go to send. So... for those of you who know who you are... Yes we will be having the party. I might have to call you.

You know, I just REfUSE to type in that short hand emoti gobbledygook!
- wg

Technical difficulties

the raccoons are only the beginning

First of all, I am NOT obsessed with raccoons.

However, the other night - in the dead middle of it when I should be sleeping peacefully - Keen and I (and the cat) heard the most vicious, snarling growls coming from outside.  So loud that we all bolted upright in classic Zoinks! and Jeepers! fashion.

We attempted to investigate but Keen's propensity to sleep nude and our numerous windows impeded efforts a bit.

Still we found out, it was the raccoons again.  Which are much more freakishly large than cute, cuddly cartoons depict.  And (who knew?) they have a tendency to savagely attack each other in the blink of an eye, even though they were obviously of the same pack.  That is some fucked up frenemy shit.  Now I'm no expert in animal husbandry (or whatever) but it seems to me that such loud, vicious behavior, coupled with the aggressive foraging and recent suburban invasions, isn't quite normal.

Plus, I just recently learned... they live in the sewers.

That right there screams to me of a childhood pet flushed down the toilet into the sewers where it mutates and breeds!

Now, also recently, there have been quite a few monster/alien/etc. sitings popping up all over the world. I mean, really the increased frequency of these sitings is disturbing, so of course, they have been closely monitored by a few of my intrepid and concerned colleagues.  These, along with the obvious empire of mutant raccoons living below my very feet lead me to the obvious conclusion...

...the monsters are planning some hell of a HUGE coming out party!

(Sort of like on True Blood, but with less sex and a lot more biting.) 

And the really scary thing?  They don't care who knows, otherwise they'd be quieter about it. 

You have been warned.

                  - the weirdgirl

keep the lemonade

We managed to squeeze out one last trip this summer and went up to Tahoe for a couple of days. It was very mellow and nice.  (Of course, I forgot to take pictures.)  I think it was the first relaxing trip/social event I had this summer.  I don't know what it was but summer this year was a little nuts. 

However, now I am neck deep in a work deadline, so the posts will be short and sweet for a while.  Although I AM going to try to post more often.  I mean, really wg, what a slacker.

Summer also still seems to have a grip on us around here.  It is HOT.  Between you and me, I'm sick of it now.  Sunny California weather be damned.  I am especially sick of my summer clothes.  I am tired of shorts that don't quite fit (do they have to put a bulging drawstring in every pair?) and slobby tank tops because that's all you can stand to wear in the heat.  I am ready for Fall.  I am ready for cute sweaters and closed-toe shoes.  And really comfy sweats in the evenings with a big mug of hot lemonade.  (Have you tried that?  It's so good.  You just nuke a little lemonade in the microwave or even squeeze a lemon fresh with a bit of sugar in hot water... mmmm, yum!) 

Of course, I'm still drinking hot tea even in the heat because that tea is like lifeblood to me! I don't care if the Starbucks people look at me funny when I turn down their offers to "ice" it!  I need it HOT, goddamnit!  Don't you know that caffeine is heat-activated?!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... so you know what I've been doing in the evenings instead of relaxing in my comfy sweats with hot lemonade and/or hot tea?  I've been moving fans around in front of every single window in the house, all open of course, trying to cool down the house before bed.  Sometimes I am doing this until midnight.  Then I have to close everything up again against our local pack of marauding raccoons. 

Cheeky little buggers.  I just know they'll steal my tea and lemons.
          - wg